Costals

make her laugh

Dans le lit, enlacés, avant de s’endormir.

– Tu te souhaites quoi pour ta vie ?
– Quelle drôle de question (il réfléchit). Je ne me souhaite rien. Je suis dans l’action. J’essaie juste d’être meilleur chaque jour.
– Tu te souhaites quoi en amour ?
– Je suis toujours dans l’amour.
– …
– Tant que j’ai des gens à aimer, ça va.
– …
– Tout ce que je veux, c’est faire rire les femmes.
– Les femmes ?
– Bah oui. Toi, ta grand-maman.
– (elle rit et s’attendrit)
– En ce moment, c’est vous, ces femmes – mon audience, mes muses.
– (elle s’attendrit encore plus)

Probably in my top 3 of the things I love to do: making people laugh.

Women, specially.

I just spent seven days with my partner and her 83 years old grandma. The best moments were when I said something surprising, and they laughed.

There’s truly nothing better for a man than making a woman laugh. It’s way better than sex. By the way, sex is overrated. I mean, highly overrated.

Women are Creativity

Women are muses to me.
Their bare presence and attention inspires me.

The essence of the feminine principle is creativity.
It’s like if they were gifting me instant effortless creativity.
It’s like their essence is reflecting on me.

It even works remotely

In December 2018, I met an intriguing young girl at a Uni party. Let’s call her Margaux. She felt truly special to me. I was attracted, and it wasn’t sexual – though it might still be biology at play, who knows really, but I like to think it was spiritual. If we’re not lost in lust, there’s a good reason for the attraction. There’s probably something to learn, like everything interpersonal.

So, Margaux sparked that pure spontaneous creativity just as we were chatting on WhatsApp for days – quite intensively which is unusual for me. The highest inspirational moment I can remember is when telling her, by writing, of my encounter with a smiling wild goat during a solo hike on the Greek island Amorgos 18 months earlier. There I was, bringing out my hidden-to-me creative storytelling skill. All the while I was stuck in bed with flu! All that, only because she asked about my profile picture (headshot of the smiling goat).

If she was relaxed enough, she would join the play too, and be creatively funny as well. I loved those moments.

And just a few days after I met her, I got the inspiration to write the lyrics of this song:

(I’m realising now that the cover art isn’t authentic to the song!)

She basically inspired much of my creative output for a good while.

What good can we do, in the right conditions?

One day, I sent Margaux a comedy standup video. She said I could be up there on stage too. I was astonished that anyone could think that of me. For sure, I’d be great if sharing the stage with a woman. Maybe with Alice, my partner.

Alice used to love acting on stage, until she got traumatised by improv. Something similar happened to me! We often think of doing funny acting videos together. And I think we’d do better with mostly improvising. (Note to self: I’d love to create a character and play with it.)

Is it only young girls that inspire me?

I thought that the first time I witnessed such inspiration because of a woman was with Margaux. But it happened before, in the presence of my two nieces. And I remember – with a smile on my face and my heart getting warmer – the deep satisfying feeling of being at the table with family, when the inspiration I get from my nieces benefits also my mother and my sister (and anyone else there) – and everyone laughs at my sudden punchlines. I think those moments are particularly bonding and rejuvenate us.

Why make her laugh?

The first part of this post revealed how I received the feminine gift (inspiration, creativity). But it goes both ways. Women receive A LOT too – if man is honest.

Why I think the best thing for a man is to make women laugh? It’s not to get them into bed. Not at all. That could certainly be a side effect, but it should never be the goal. That would be manipulation.

For most women, fear is the baseline experience of their life, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. Most women are somehow anxious and in search of security.
They’re not crazy nor immature, that’s just their nature.
Remember: they are creativity. Creativity comes with sensitivity. Sensitivity amplifies everything.

When a man makes a woman laugh, it creates harmony and peace. When a man makes a woman laugh, she relaxes. When a woman laugh, anxiety goes down.

That creates, in turn, the space for her to bloom in creativity as well.

How to make her laugh?

Don’t try.
Don’t even want it.

I never have the intention to make someone laugh.
It comes naturally in the moment, because we are relaxed and present.
Sometimes I even surprise myself with what comes out of my mouth or gesture.

If you’re not there yet, it means you’re not relaxed enough.

Also, as women can be overly emotional, men must be empathic while being detached (which doesn’t mean unattached).
Then you gain a superpower very few men have developed:
You’ll be able to make her laugh when she’s crying of sadness.
You’ll do that without even trying.
Do you sense how valuable this is?

So, how to be relaxed enough to make people laugh without even trying?
Focus on being your best self.
Cultivate calmness.
Heal and preserve your nervous system.
Avoid over-stimulation by any means.
Lust is a big stimulator and time-energy waster.
But that’s for another post.

I wish I could still make Margaux laugh today.
Unfortunately, I ruined our friendship with that now-forever-gone neediness. I wish I had met her as the version I am today.

I immortalised her laugh in this piece of music:

Costals

#creativity #english #feminine #masculine